Death.

There’s something weird about death. Like most of us it hits with anger, confusion and guilt as if there would have been something we could’ve done to prevent this tragedy. Death always gives me this odd feeling. Even if i didn’t know the person. It’s like i didn’t get there on time which makes no sense because it’s obviously not my job to save anyone. Really only God can do that so why do i always feel this way? this week someone in my town died from a flu and i had only seen this person a couple times around town and not in a while and suddenly like that.., she’s dead. Her time ran out and she’s gone. But when i found out that she died from the flu? like what is that? that doesn’t make any sense. Sometimes i wonder why am i still here? Like why did her life end so suddenly but yet here i am wondering why it wasn’t me instead.

Just a couple months ago I laid there completely paralyzed, had absolutely no idea what was going on and was at peace with it if i was going to finally go to my eternal home and yet here i am. Sometimes i don’t understand God and his reasoning. I don’t understand why she had to be taken from her new marriage and just beginning of her life. Why her? It’s not my place to ask questions, i mean i didn’t even know her but why her? why that day and time and from something so small? Why couldn’t i have left when i felt i was so ready?

Death. It’s sneaky and always pops up when you least expect it. It comes in rips your heart out and leaves you there empty and alone. At least that’s what the devil wants you to think and feel. And i definitely know because i’ve been there. But instead of falling down that long and dark road, i took another road. I took the road that skips the anger, confusion and guilt, and takes you where you can mourn, and i mean truly come to a point where it is okay. It is okay that they died, and it is NOT my fault in any way because i have absolutely no control over that. Instead of pushing people away and turning to the things that make you “forget” and “move on”, i got lifted up. I got to be held in love and peace. This place we talk about where it’s scary and so so lonely, the devil wants you exactly there. He wants you to feel like it’s all your fault and that it’ll never get better because you are a walking disaster. But i very strongly disagree with this. You are human. You are okay. Even if it doesn’t feel that way, i am very certain like 100% certain that you will be okay because you got the King of the world right beside you ready to catch you when you fall.

It feels like the end of the world and that nothing will ever be the same and you’re probably right on some of that but instead of sitting on it and turning into an empty shell of a human (which i mean doesn’t always sound like the worst thing, yup. been there too) that feels nothing, share your story. Help others that have been through something similar. Find that light again because i guarantee you that whoever you loved so dearly that left this earth, wishes so badly for you to be free and okay again, to have peace. Because they are fine. Its not our jobs to worry about the things that are not in our control, it’s our job to make sure our family in christ is okay and to help them see the light as well. Direct your focus on something that means something to you. Something that’s going to help you and not bring you down. This does not mean forget your loved one, it just means that it’s time to give them back to our father and live the short life we have and do something good with it. Do something that will change it for someone else. Help them to see how to take the other road. I know it seems impossible but its not. All God is asking is for you to open the door and let him help you. It is very simple. This life sucks. People die that should never die, people leave, this world is covered in sin and there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop it but what if you can just change it for one person and they help someone else and BAM ripple effect. Get up off your ass and pull yourself together, Stop blaming yourself and if there is a reason you are blaming yourself, forgive yourself because they are gone and the only thing your doing now is hurting yourself. You have got this. We’re all in this together at the end.

It’s okay to ask questions, and be confused. But please, do not let this be the end of your road. Reach out to friends, do not isolate yourself because that’s when the devil is having a party downstairs because he’s making you feel like garage and he loves that. He literally thrives from it. Remember, satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. Nothing more. Anything that is not out of love, is not our heavenly father. Take control.