Change.

You have everything you ever could’ve wanted. Making enough money to be comfortable, you have amazing family & friends and the best little girl, you have a car to get you from A to B anytime needed. You have a wonderful man. Anything and everything in your grasp.

What if someone were to take it away? Not take away your family or friends or little girl. Or even the money. But take away your FREEDOM. To being okay and being able to do the things that needed to be done at any moment, as simple as grocery shopping. And then to nothing. To have your body stop working on you and then seizure after seizure and no one knows why. To be so unpredictable, your friends are now to nervous to ask you out anywhere “incase” it might trigger a seizure. To be stuck inside your house with a 3yr old day in and day out. And NO ONE Understands. You feel alone like your drowning and no one is trying to save you. They can see you going down but it’s “not that bad” “you’ll be fine” “I wish I had your life” “your so lucky”

Yes it could worse. Way worse. And IT IS okay. My whole situation is okay. But what is not okay is when no one understands it or even tries to. When they roll their eyes at you when you want to talk about how alone you’ve been feeling or stop you in the middle of talking while your trying your hardest not to bawl your eyes out, just to tell you to stop talking about it already. That is what I am tried of. And it needs to stop. Stand in my shoes. Live my days, feel what it feels like to not be able to trust your own body because at any moment you could break down and seizure. Do that all day every single day and be okay. Be happy. Love life. TRY IT IN MY SHOES. No drivers “incase” you might seizure while driving with your baby. Everyone is busy and living their own lives while you try and figure out week after week, month after month how your daughter is supposed to get to preschool because her mom can’t bring her and everyone’s to busy. FIGURE IT OUT. BE HAPPY. STOP COMPLAINING!!! How does that work!! It doesn’t. That’s how. Everyday is hard. Waking up is hard. Going to bed is hard. Something that would help, is to not be alone. Just to see it through my eyes.

I have it good. And I do not have anything to complain about, really because IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE. The paralysis could have stayed, I could’ve had to stay in the hospital much longer, but I didn’t. God brought me back home , and I am and will continue to be so grateful that I did get a second chance. I am home with my beautiful daughter. But IT IS STILL HARD. And I need you to understand that. I need to let it out. Sometimes! I am not always okay and I’m not always not okay but whenever I am either, YOU need to be there and understand me.