Lost.

february 11.

every year on this day i am broken. i am lost. i am angry. i am glad. i am happy.

as a girl you dream of your dad protecting you, keeping you safe, being your best friend, a shoulder to cry on and there no matter what.

you dont dream of him leaving you behind, not being there for any birthdays, tears or laughs. you dont dream about being alone and having no one to protect you.

sometimes i like to dream about how it would be if you where here. what would you say about me, would you be proud? would you say how great i’ve been, doing everything on my own or would you say i need to change some things in my life? would you tell me you love me and wrap me in your arms?

to wonder day after day about what your hug would feel like or what it’d feel like to have someone that would always have your back. To feel protected and loved. to see the way you would look at me, the way all my friends dads look at them. what does it feel like. what am i missing.

i wish you were here. i wish you could see me now. i wish you could meet your grand baby. i talk about you all the time, she knows your with Jesus. i show her pictures of you. and tell her about how much you would love her, and that she’ll meet you one day.

Daddy i cant wait to see you. i miss you but i don’t know what i’m missing. i don’t know what the feeling is to have you.

i’m not mad that your gone, I’m just mad i’m not there with you.

I know your celebrating in heaven today.

Happy birthday daddy. Always thinking about you.

I’ll see you soon. ❤️