The 2 pink lines

I’ve always wanted a baby. Ever since i can remember that was the one thing in my life, i could not wait to be a mother. You know when your young and you think about it, like how wonderful it would be to have your own baby. All yours! Nobody telling you what to do and where to go, you could raise the baby how ever you thought best. I used to think that i would know what my baby would want at all times because i would be the mom and that’s how mothers intuition works. I couldn’t wait. I would have a great day just thinking about it as a little girl.

The one thing i couldn’t wait for was to come home to my baby, toddler, teenage whatever age and wrap my arms around them, knowing they have a safe home to live at with parents that love him/her. To make them feel like they can do anything in the world and no matter what happens they have me and they can always come home to that safe place.

When the doctor said “your almost six weeks pregnant”, i felt overwhelmed and completely freaked out. I wasn’t ready to be a mom yet. I was still in high school and had no idea what i was doing. This isn’t what it was supposed to feel like. It was supposed to be planned and exciting. What where people going to think about me..

Worked as a waitress until 36 weeks along. Got everything we needed. Now it was waiting time.

6 days after my due date, at 12:16pm she came. She looked up into my eyes and took my breath away. She was perfect. She was more then i deserved. in that moment everything changed. Everything. All of my priorities all the things i enjoyed before, was gone. It was all about her now. And i couldn’t have been happier.

Two weeks in, i wondered to myself why i ever wanted this. I hurt all over my body, I felt alone, I felt like crying 99% of the time. I was exhausted. I was done. But every time i’d pick her up to nurse, burp, change or just to look at her, I was good, I was amazing. In that moment everything was perfect. It was just me and her. Then she started smiling, laughing, crawling, walking, talking and as she got older everything just got better and better. Everyday I’d wake up and I’d ask myself how did i get her?

When i found out i was expecting her, I freaked out. I was so lost i had no idea what i was going to do. But as the weeks past and she came into my life, i felt confident. I knew i could do this because there was no other option. She depended on me for everything. Then i thought about when i was a little girl and all i wanted was to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. and i was now going to do everything in my power to make sure my little girl was going to get that and more.

When your at a point in your life where you think, how am i going to get through this, how can i, there’s no way, well guess what.. there is a way and you got it because God knew you could handle it. God will not give you anything he knows you cant handle. So think about that the next time your freaked out by a situation, or confused about why something is happening to you. Good or bad.

Being a young mom was hard. No doubt about it, but i did it. I’m still doing it. Everyday. And there is nothing in the world i love more then my baby. And if i could go back and do some things differently, i would. But if your dealing with something, just know. You are not alone. You never are. God is always looking out for you. Even when you feel like there is nobody.

Everyday is a lesson, make sure you pay attention and try to do it better tomorrow.

You totally got this.